What Do You Want in Your Marriage? Questions You May Get From Clergy

When you meet with the person who will officiate at your ceremony, he or she will ask you questions designed to help you think through what it means to commit yourself to a life with another person. The issues you will face in your marriage are very profound and should be given a great deal of thought and discussed in depth with your partner.

One of the first questions some ministers ask is “How do you fight?” How a couple will handle disagreements is a very important part of the larger issue of communication. How do you communicate? How do you listen? A marriage in which there is poor or no communication can be a very unhappy one.

You’ll probably be asked about your expectations for your marriage. Some couples marry having no idea what hopes and dreams each partner has for the future. Money is another issue your clergyperson will ask you to examine. Not only which of you will pay the bills and keep track of the day-to-day finances, but what are your financial goals and habits. If one of you is a spendthrift while the other is extravagant, it can cause serious problems.

Also, what will your relationships with your parents and families be like? A key question, of course, is what are your plans for children? If one of you wants children and the other does not, that’s an issue that needs to be resolved. And what happens several years into the marriage if one of you changes your mind about whether or not to have children?

And, finally, what are your spiritual practices and beliefs? Having strong spiritual values in common can help a couple work together in creating the marriage they want. Premarital counseling can give you an insight into how to weather the hard times which are certain to come at some point — but will also give you a solid footing to set off on one of the most exciting times of your life. ~JSC